Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
