Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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