all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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