So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
