what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
