Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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