So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
