where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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