I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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