She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
