We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
