hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
