Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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