Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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