dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
