So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
