I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
