Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
