Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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