Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
