i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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