her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
