Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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