He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
