I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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