Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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