I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
