I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
