What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
