my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
