its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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