I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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