I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
