so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
