We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
