I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
