i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
