my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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