ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
