I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
