it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
