Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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