My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
