I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
