We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
