There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
