I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
