God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
