My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
