i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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