So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
