I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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