I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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