I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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