I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
