just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
