Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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