I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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