hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
