I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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