arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
