Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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