We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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