You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
