my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
