I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i need some magic done to my vagina
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
