I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
