he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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