This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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