I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
