Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize