he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
