you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
