Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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