The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
