You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
