What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My feet surprised me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
