R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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