oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
