i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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