omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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