dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish you could order shots online.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
