I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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