O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize