Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
