You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
