My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
