Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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