So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
