my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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