Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
