now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Congratulations! We have a period
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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