I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
