covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
